Had a pretty good crit session today, which makes my day. Not because I am pleased with my work, or that it is any good (lots of room to work on especially for the model), but rather due to an immense sense of relief.
I am relieved that I have not spent countless nights working on the wrong track. Relieved that, although my work is still nowhere near good, it's not something I am completely incapable of doing. Relieved that I am not paying money every year for a course I am rubbish at. Relieved that I hadn't made a dumb decision after all. Relieved that some of the doubt has been resolved.
So it's more about the affirmation of a choice than ability, and I feel much less insecure about doing architecture. I think the structure and function inherent in design helps a bit, as opposed to the anything-flies experimentalism of fine art.
JH did mention that perhaps my work should go beyond the standard site analysis, to be more imaginative and conceptual as exploratory year one work. It bugs me that at best I produce work that is of normal standard, but can't seem to go beyond that into the intuitive or interesting. I feel that I have such a one-track uncreative brain.
Ho-hum. Something to work on. Still a good day today though. :)
Advice from Ben after a day of horrible competition:
Don't feel sad because you lost to your opponent; feel sad when you lose to yourself.
Losing to yourself meaning not putting in effort, underestimating your opponent, playing carelessly although there is ample time, not thinking enough, playing something stupid when you know better.
No bad luck and no accidents. Every mistake is your own. You can make excuses to others, but deep down you know what you were thinking when it happened, and you know it's your own fault. I lost—my fault.
QY came over after his mentoring session. It was nice to turn around and see him without expecting it, especially after two rubbish games. He also brought me breakfast yesterday after two days of overnighting at the studio. Now everyone who saw me eating thinks he is very sweet. :D
我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口
谁 记得
谁 忘了
So it's been one year (and half a month). If you break it down: seven months of 2259 miles and long daily phone conversations + two surreal weeks of visiting + four months of hostel life. It really hasn't been easy getting over each barrier. Arguments, crying (me), consoling (you), hard decisions (both).
It got harder when school started and the fun ended. Struggling with stress, lack of time (and sleep) and modules made it worse. It was a tough semester, and it was a steep learning curve. All of a sudden you realise that you are not alone anymore, and here is a person whose feelings you must try to treat gently (still learning).
But there were the moments. When you held me for twenty minutes while I wet your shirt crying for the third time that day from being overwhelmed by the avalanche of work. When you cooked us dinner after I'd had two continuous days of work, although you hadn't slept the night before either. When you whispered so gently in my ear, at the road crossing at Dhoby Ghaut, that night we were out.
It's the new semester now, so things are going to get tough once more. But we've got here. We'll get there. We'll make it better than it was. ♥
(Never had the time to put this down in writing. So this is for you.)
Found myself in an intense bout of loneliness this morning after waking up, probably brought on by stress. I don't seem to take to stress very well, especially when the task seems beyond me. Talked to Larry and Yixian. Lay on my newly-rearranged bed and stared at the sky upside down (I get a nice view now). Stared at the fan. Stared at the ceiling. Wondered where my drive went. Snapped out of it and showered and went to class.
Sometimes you just have to stop thinking and just do it.
And maybe you stop expecting people to understand what's going on; there's nothing they can do. Grow up and deal with it yourself.
The current project is based on the Peranakan Museum on Armenian Street, so I've been hanging around there. Have an idea of what to do for the first segment of the individual project, but not much for the second part. But there's something at least. Will head out to the area again tomorrow morning if I can wake up. I have never scrutinised a museum this way before, but it does offer some insight into to how a space can be framed, or how to examine a space framed by someone else. That's pretty interesting.
mun yi: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
mun yi: haha
qy: what is that
mun yi: it is a bee
mun yi: saying, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
mun yi: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, said the bee
qy: ..............
mun yi: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
mun yi: :D:D
qy: vali funnie
mun yi: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
mun yi: laughed the bee
qy: z
qy: zzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzz zz zz zzzz z zzzzzzzzz zzz zz zzzzz zzzzzzz z zz zzzz zz z zz zzzzz zz
mun yi: what's that
qy: said the bee
mun yi: nooooo
mun yi: what did the bee say
qy: the bee forgot
mun yi: ....................................
mun yi: :(
If this year's list of resolutions seems slightly unambitious, it is because ambitious ones have rarely been met with success, and are usually forgotten before half the year has passed. I have decided to start small this year.
I feel less excited this year, because it is still the middle of year one at school, as opposed to a new school year and the whole new-year-fresh-beginning sort of feeling. I hope (seemingly futilely) that 2010 will face less natural disasters and manmade problems. Have a good year!